ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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