after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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