Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
