I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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