Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
