i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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