I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
