You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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