I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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