saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
