is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
