called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
