Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
