New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
