I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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