Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
