Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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