Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
