So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
