Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
