why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
