I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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