you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
