I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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