just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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