I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
