were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
