He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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