hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've blown a few things in my day
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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