I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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