Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
