to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize