I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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