so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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