He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
did you just send me my own nude
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
