I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
