is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
