i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
