erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
