After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
