His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
