My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
