isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
