Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
