It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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