Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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