I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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