come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There r osticjed everywhere
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
