i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
