Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
