Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
