i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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