he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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