I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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