I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone came in the potted fern
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize