Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
