is your mom at the bar?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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