Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
