Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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