So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
