theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
