she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
