Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
