my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
