they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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