So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
