Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
