i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
