Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
