Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
