The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
